do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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