It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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