We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
