I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
