I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
