Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
