I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
