Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
