So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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