I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
worst night to have a conscience
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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