1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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