I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
