there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
