I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
