its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
