come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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