Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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