She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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