I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
