We're like a lot better than the average bears
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
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