Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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