After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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