started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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