I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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