we made out on top of his cat.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
