Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
