xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
me + whiskey = a bad person
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
