there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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