i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
