Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
