never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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