Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
