I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize