i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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