In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I am mentally ready for anal.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
