So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
