If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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