I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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