I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
