ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
