I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
