i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
