The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
