bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
