Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
