it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
