her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
