Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
did i just pee glitter
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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