Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
