I'm so fucking centered right now
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize