I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
