So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
