I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Swine flu is the new snow day.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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