i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
