I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize