____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
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