just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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