We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
