wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
