The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
