it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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