I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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