go do what you do best...puke behind churches
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
do herpes really smell.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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