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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  well..are you winning?

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.

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• (310): View more from California

  So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.

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• (226): View more from Ontario

  I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  The Swedes wanted a tensome.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.

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• (408): View more from California

  This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Me toooooo!! Margaritas

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good

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• (469): View more from Texas

  I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.

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• (425): View more from Washington

  Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?

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• (585): View more from New York

  Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.

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• (616): View more from Michigan

  My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?

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• (971): View more from Oregon

  I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.

  (509): View more from Washington

  you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left

  (971): View more from Oregon

  goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan

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• (910): View more from North Carolina

  PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy

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