I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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