i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
