I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I need to sanitize my soul.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
