It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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